1) Make a lot of infantry.
2) If you're Ostheer, you get maxim or conspammed. If lucky, you fight some cars, which gives you lots of map control.
3) If you can hold on, as Ostheer you get 2 paks and an AC. Soviets make AT guns if their mines don't kill your AC.
4) You make Elefant in 2v2 or 2 Tigers in 1v1. If you're feeling really lucky or want to troll, hold out for Tiger Ace.
5) Soviets make ISU or IS2 or Shermans. Everyone's infantry now dies because Relic didn't want us noobs to have to micro both infantry and tanks late game, so the tanks obliterate all the infantry now.
6) Heavy tanks shoot at each other till someone wins.
These are extreme beginner replays. I downloaded one for a lark. I have never seen so many idle units, so much weird positioning, total fail build orders, so many munitions caches, and needless squad wipes since my first vCOH game in 2007 .