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How to eat while gaming

6 Apr 2014, 09:30 AM
#1
avatar of akosi

Posts: 1734

Permanently Banned
You ever had problems eating while gaming?! Then this is the perfect guide for you my friend.
(The guide generally works for all games)

By SwMt | Amlaith

Rules

Rule number one, NEVER eat with your hands. It makes your keyboard greasy and you might have to clean it afterwards.

My advice is to use a spoon, a spoon is underrated and funny to eat with. But do use a knife and fork if you eat something like a steak or you might rage as the normal average gamer you are.

If you got other ways of eating it, with scissors or chopsticks It's okay, I don't like to eat like that thou.

Don't try to be special and eat your soup with a pillow. If you do, I had nothing to do with it and you will probably get sent into a mental hospital of some sort. Or atleast expect a long talk with your parents. I tried it... Once. And trust me, It's not worth it.

The basics is to keep your food somewhere safe, in a nice height and not too far away from where you sit. You want it to be a nice experience, something you can look back on in fifty years and think "What a night".

What to eat while gaming

My best advice is to eat meat, lots of meat. It makes you big and strong + It gives you all the proteins you need to become a real gamer.
Something you don't need is rabbit food, your body doesnt need salad.
As my father used to say "If you stay away from the rabbits food, the rabbit stays away from your food".
You can also add something like a beer or a vodka to the menu, it will calm your nerves while gaming. I prefer Coca-Cola.


How do I eat it?

Just make sure you use something to clean your hands with, you probably already got something in your room for when you fap.

Step 1:
Put the weapon you use for eating into your hand/hands (Knife, fork etc.) and prepare to eat.

Step 2:
You have to train your eating reflexes, It's all about speed and timing. Whenever you die you can quickly get a few bites down. Making push-ups will help you, It will make your biceps bigger. How it helps you with eating I don't know.

Step 3:
Step 3 is probably the hardest one, you have to be sure you hit your mouth or step 1 and 2 won't help you much. Most people train this skill by pretending their food is an airplane. Personally I always get scared and try to hide from an direct impact with an airplane, untill I realise It was just a piece of meat.

Step 4:
Chew it, like you were being hunted by a broccoli. Or enjoy it. Depends how fast you want to finish your meal. The chewing part you can do while playing or you can do it fast to get more bites down.




6 Apr 2014, 09:40 AM
#2
avatar of Von Kluge
Patrion 14

Posts: 3548 | Subs: 2

Why has nobody thought of this before? Mind = blown.
6 Apr 2014, 10:18 AM
#3
avatar of DandyFrontline

Posts: 155

6 Apr 2014, 10:22 AM
#4
avatar of Sgt.Chickenface
Patrion 310

Posts: 155

I always eat before playing...
6 Apr 2014, 14:10 PM
#5
avatar of Aerohank

Posts: 2693 | Subs: 1

This has enhanced my gaming experience in a significant way.
6 Apr 2014, 15:51 PM
#6
avatar of sluzbenik

Posts: 878

This:



I broke my jaw once, I had to drink this stuff and various purees for months. I much preferred this over pureed vegetables :).



7 Apr 2014, 17:13 PM
#8
7 Apr 2014, 17:18 PM
#9
avatar of 89456132

Posts: 211

Whatever you do, don't get crumbs in your keyboard.
7 Apr 2014, 17:22 PM
#10
avatar of Burts

Posts: 1702

honestly, i might be able to see myself doing this with the germans, however with the soviets, no way am i going to manage.
7 Apr 2014, 18:26 PM
#11
avatar of FestiveLongJohns
Patrion 15

Posts: 1157 | Subs: 2

Holy shit this was hilarious
8 Apr 2014, 09:35 AM
#12
avatar of TNrg

Posts: 640

Pro tip: don't eat while playing. Eat when you're having a pause.
9 Apr 2014, 09:03 AM
#13
avatar of buckers

Posts: 230

god dammit you guys are more gumby than me, bloody hell. just don't eat while gamin, ya poofter
10 Apr 2014, 20:27 PM
#14
avatar of Shell_yeah

Posts: 258

Pro Ostheer tip: Choose all your Grenadiers, use Attack-Move and eat forever
11 Apr 2014, 11:20 AM
#15
avatar of WiFiDi
Honorary Member Badge

Posts: 3293

Whatever you do, don't get crumbs in your keyboard.


you don't want to see my keyboard then. :)

also unlike akosi i like vegetables :)
11 Apr 2014, 11:39 AM
#16
avatar of Sarantini
Honorary Member Badge
Donator 22

Posts: 2181

:banana:Most of them are fruits :bananadance:
14 Apr 2014, 21:06 PM
#17
avatar of Kreatiir

Posts: 2819

14 Apr 2014, 21:44 PM
#18
avatar of VonIvan

Posts: 2487 | Subs: 21

16 Apr 2014, 16:52 PM
#19
avatar of Jinseual

Posts: 598

why can't you use your pillow to eat soup? you can soak up the soup with a sponge and squeeze the pillow into your mouth.
17 Apr 2014, 19:08 PM
#20
avatar of Budwise
Admin Red  Badge
Donator 11

Posts: 2075 | Subs: 2

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